I feel like I have very little to say so I don't post. Life continues to be a struggle for us in more ways than one. Brian has been really sick lately and very rarely has "good days", which makes it hard on all of us. I've been spending way too much time out of the house trying to bury myself in other things but it's burning me out much too quickly. I haven't had enough work, and I hope to change that in the new year. But right now I just need to figure out how to handle all of this!

Brian's numbers have been excellent, so he should be better. Right? But with the daily nausea, migraine-like headaches (also almost a daily thing), fatigue, weakness, dizziness, (etc, etc)... he is unable to function in a work environment. Probably not even a desk job, which is what we thought he might have to resort to. So for Christmas we are waiting on the news from the government as to whether or not he is "disabled", in their standards.

Apart from all of that, I have been learning to deal with my new role as breadwinner. I never saw myself being the one going out and "bringing home the bacon". Can I admit that it freaks me out? The only thing I know how to do, since being a stay at home mom, is clean and cook. I don't feel like I know anything else. I think I need some training somewhere, but I don't know what direction to go. And I still feel like I'm needed at home (if Brian has a day where he's too sick to care for kids, do I just put a movie on for them to babysit them and leave them? What if almost EVERY day ends up being a sick day - which has been the case lately?) I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible for my kids, and I'm failing miserably. Actually, I'm failing miserably at everything right now. With so many balls in the air, how can I not?
Well, this is sounding much more depressing than I thought it would! Which is why I've stayed away from posting! Sorry about that!