We still have not heard about possibly being on disability. We DID have an appointment today regarding our (nonexistant) income that left us reeling. We're in trouble. BIG trouble.
Decisions have to be made. I'm trying to stop my panicking and just concentrate on getting through Christmas with my sanity intact.
The house is quiet tonight. Lately Brian goes to bed at about 8:00 - 9:00pm. He wakes up STILL tired the next morning. It doesn't make sense. His hemoglobin is at an all-time high. Tonight he put Koby to bed in our bed (with a steamer, in an attempt to have Koby sleep through the night without a hacking cough that's been pestering him for a week now!) Brian fell asleep. He woke up just a bit ago, started to do dishes, and declared it bedtime again.
I'm still trying to pull together a few Christmas events despite the illness going on at our house. Friends came over and decorated cookies today, and tomorrow some more friends are coming to do the same. We look forward to visiting. We look forward to a bit of laughter and joy. And I REALLY look forward to having my mind on something else for a few short hours.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
I feel like I have very little to say so I don't post. Life continues to be a struggle for us in more ways than one. Brian has been really sick lately and very rarely has "good days", which makes it hard on all of us. I've been spending way too much time out of the house trying to bury myself in other things but it's burning me out much too quickly. I haven't had enough work, and I hope to change that in the new year. But right now I just need to figure out how to handle all of this!
Brian's numbers have been excellent, so he should be better. Right? But with the daily nausea, migraine-like headaches (also almost a daily thing), fatigue, weakness, dizziness, (etc, etc)... he is unable to function in a work environment. Probably not even a desk job, which is what we thought he might have to resort to. So for Christmas we are waiting on the news from the government as to whether or not he is "disabled", in their standards.
Apart from all of that, I have been learning to deal with my new role as breadwinner. I never saw myself being the one going out and "bringing home the bacon". Can I admit that it freaks me out? The only thing I know how to do, since being a stay at home mom, is clean and cook. I don't feel like I know anything else. I think I need some training somewhere, but I don't know what direction to go. And I still feel like I'm needed at home (if Brian has a day where he's too sick to care for kids, do I just put a movie on for them to babysit them and leave them? What if almost EVERY day ends up being a sick day - which has been the case lately?) I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible for my kids, and I'm failing miserably. Actually, I'm failing miserably at everything right now. With so many balls in the air, how can I not?
Well, this is sounding much more depressing than I thought it would! Which is why I've stayed away from posting! Sorry about that!
Brian's numbers have been excellent, so he should be better. Right? But with the daily nausea, migraine-like headaches (also almost a daily thing), fatigue, weakness, dizziness, (etc, etc)... he is unable to function in a work environment. Probably not even a desk job, which is what we thought he might have to resort to. So for Christmas we are waiting on the news from the government as to whether or not he is "disabled", in their standards.
Apart from all of that, I have been learning to deal with my new role as breadwinner. I never saw myself being the one going out and "bringing home the bacon". Can I admit that it freaks me out? The only thing I know how to do, since being a stay at home mom, is clean and cook. I don't feel like I know anything else. I think I need some training somewhere, but I don't know what direction to go. And I still feel like I'm needed at home (if Brian has a day where he's too sick to care for kids, do I just put a movie on for them to babysit them and leave them? What if almost EVERY day ends up being a sick day - which has been the case lately?) I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible for my kids, and I'm failing miserably. Actually, I'm failing miserably at everything right now. With so many balls in the air, how can I not?
Well, this is sounding much more depressing than I thought it would! Which is why I've stayed away from posting! Sorry about that!
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